Going Rogue

Yesterday my good friend (good enough to be called my brother) mentioned the thing he most admired about me was that I had gone Rogue. Instantly I thought of X-Men. I mean, Rogue was hot all dressed in that black leather. So I was thinking "wow - yeah, I would look good in one of those outfits", but perhaps he was referring to my ability to absorb (and reflect) the abilities of those around me. But everyone can do that...
So I kept thinking...


Perhaps he was just making a sly reference to Anna Paquin. Who apparently also has an affinity for Vampires. Side-bar ->if you haven't seen True Blood - I would totally recommend it. It's great.





When I inquired further, he started talking about the fact that I have always done things my own way. Not followed the pack, and walked to the beat of my own tune.
Yeah... I guess that was true. Walking alone sure is nice sometimes, except for those times when you realize... I am alone.
So... do you have the courage to go Rogue? The strength to walk alone? Either way, be careful out there.... you know, cuz life will kill you.

Zombies vs. Vampires and a Wedding...

So seriously... in a battle between Zombies and Vampires, who would win?
Take into account strength (zombies), regenerative ability (fairly even), attack methods (again, fairly even), cleverness (vampires), intelligence (vampires), beauty (vampires), sex appeal (yeah Vampires win that one hands down), Danger factor (zombies will eat your brain, vampires will just take a litte - or a lot - of blood), Ninja factor (totally Vampires here...) and hellooo... Vampires can fly, AND they have their own cereal (thank you Count Chocula - obviously vampires know the importance of a balanced diet.) That's just cool.

So which is more dangerous.... really? Vampires of course could kick a zombie's.. uh... assets, hands down. But dangerous to humans... Zombies, of course. I mean, vampires have existed for thousands of years and have kept a pretty low profile, lurking in the shadows. Sure, it's inconvenient if that new neighbor keeps weird hours and has home delivery from the local blood bank, but Zombies... oh Zombies - if they ever really got going, humans would be toast in a week (well, unless of course you had Woody Harrelson around). Anyway, there is a great article here. oh, and.. here is a movie trailer which one of my best good friends did stunt work on (He's the zombie on fire at 1:13) here.

Anyway... the reason I bring this up is because of this amazing, serendipitous conversation I had on Sunday. What happened on Sunday you ask... well, I attended the wedding of my dear friends David and Karin (isnt' she beautiful!!! --->>>>>).
Yes... Zombies vs. Vampires and a Wedding.
David and Karin's wedding ceremony was beautiful, it was held in Peninsula Park with the reception at the North Star Ballroom. and, although it was threatening rain (and the sky eventually did spit on us a bit but rain is good luck on your wedding day, right?) Everyone was smiling and happy. Karin was beautiful, David was dashing and it was probably one of the very best events of joy I have been to all year.

Pre-Wedding, waiting in the park, I get into a conversation with someone on this very topic of Zombies vs. Vampires. No, I did not bring this up, and no, I had never met this person before.
Then.... Wedding ... beautiful.... speechless.... seriously.
Fast forward - ... rainy walk to the reception... small talk... found assigned seating and low and behold, zombie vs vampire conversation man was sitting right across from me.
More small talk... then he asks...
"So, what do you do?"
To which I excitedly reply...
"I'm a Zombie-Slayer"
he replies... "aaaahhhh a vampire, it explains so much"
We both dissolve into hysteric giggles and dancing, drinking, cheering and wedding revelry ensues.

So, I guess it's just another day in the life of a Zombie Slayer.

I was never the homecoming queen, a cheerleader or a straight A student.
I was never the best athlete, the top of my class or teachers pet.
I was never the best wife or perfect daughter, and
Never drove the best car or wore the perfect outfits.

I walked alone.
Quiet.
Watching.
Searching for my place.
Searching my soul.
Trying a nibble of life here, a lick of life there and maybe a taste or two of the things I found which nourished me.

I walked in the shadows of darkness and was intimately acquainted with the monsters in my 'closet'.
I walked in the blinding brilliance of Light, captured the sun and pulled it close in my heart.
and still, I kept walking.

I traveled half the world, danced till dawn in the desert, wandered the woods in silence and participated in secret Temple rituals and still...
I keep walking.
Keep searching
Keep living.

Boundaries are Sexy

Today I received the most awesome email.

It started with an awesome weekend, a tough drive, emotional turmoil, anxiety, and finally relief with some very sexy boundaries.


I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Go ahead... make some noise.

When I was younger, my mom was constantly on my case about 'using my indoor voice', and now some twenty years later, I find myself still hearing her voice ringing in my head....
"Just sit still"
"Just be quiet"
"Do you have something to say, or are you just talking to hear your own voice?"

... and, even after all these years I realize that yes... sometimes I do talk too loud, talk to much and do it just to hear my own voice. Yet... I know I am totally annoyed when a tv commercial comes on and it is at least 10 clicks louder than the original program I was watching. It is annoying, obnoxious and a total nuisance. And I question... is that what I sound like?
So this epiphany breaks, just like the dawn of a new day, sometimes, just sometimes, being the loudest doesn't always get the message across. So what does get the message across?
As I was looking into this question, researching, meditating, asking myself, asking the trees and even asking God, I found the most fascinating website here. Did you know that the average attention span of a human being on the planet now days is 7 seconds - comparable to a goldfish? How do we catch and keep the attention of a goldfish? Well, perhaps Sally has something to say.... perhaps it is all about being fascinating and put our natural triggers to use.


What about the noise that isn't actually noise? Do you know someone that perhaps is loud even though they don't say a word? Their actions, energy and just the space around them is loud... what then? What if you can't get away? I enjoy my silent times, my times alone in my cave with no one else around but my cat.
For those of you who perhaps haven't had a silent experience before, I would recommend this.... Vipassana Meditation
10 days.
In silence.
By the end you will know just how loud you are.
For sure.
Because it will drive you crazy.
And then you will understand - the power of silence.

So, I guess the point of this is, I still struggle with the delicate balance of silence and noise, but understand that I can clearly and easily be loud or silent with myself, and have a much higher awareness and tolerance for those people around me in my life who move through the loud and silent phases as well.

So, anyway, thanks Mercury (the God of communication) for helping me write this blog, contemplate noise and silence and ... as a bonus, here are all the things I have always wanted to say (in no particular order, to no particular people, mostly just to the reflection in the mirror):
I love you, be quiet, speak up, sometimes it's not always about you, get over yourself, be nice, be fearless, just open your heart, be honest with yourself, it's okay to be scared, I don't feel safe with you, you are beautiful.

Elements: Not just for the periodic table ....

I hated chemistry when I was in school.... I wasn't a big fan of science in general.
Not that I didn't enjoy the biology part of dissecting animals, but I think that it was more out of morbid curiosity rather than my desire to learn how they were 'put together'.
Chemistry was even more difficult - so many elements on the periodic table, all grouped, sorted, labeled, with codes, numbers, combinations, mathematical equations... it was all really too much.
Although Quantum Physics... well - that's more than just 'science' - so yeah... anyway
I've always been pretty smart, able to catch on quickly to concepts and new information, but the periodic table, chemistry and science in general for whatever reason - really made me feel incompetent. I even figured out a way that while in college I could get my degree and never (not once) take a single science class - yeah... I was brilliant. ;-)
What I did learn was the basic concepts that a single molecule could completely change the structure of the product. Water (H2O), by adding just one molecule of oxygen to the structure of water, you would get Hydrogen Peroxide (H2O2). Obviously you wouldn't drink Hydrogen Peroxide like you would water....
Similarly, everything in the 3rd Dimensional physical existence is made (vibrates with) in the delicate balance of the four elements of Earth, Water, Air and Fire (adding the 5th Element of Spirit/Love for animation). And just like the example of Water vs. Hydrogen Peroxide, the imbalance of one molecule can cause tremendous change, or tremendous imbalance.

Say, for example the simple element of Earth...
We think of it as dirt in every day life, yet in our bodies it corresponds to our bones. It holds our structure. This element of Earth rules over our lives in many aspects including that of structure, beauty, grounding, employment (yes our jobs!) abundance, fertility and prosperity. You can start to see where the element (vibration) of earth is in your life, where perhaps it is out of balance or where you need more 'earth element'. Being out of balance in this element can manifest as apathy and depression. It can keep you from staying grounded and present in any situation. Keep you from finding a good job, making enough money, or initiate projects.
Are you out of balance in this element?
Do you recognize things in your life you could improve by working with this element? What about the other three elements of water, air and fire? Want to learn more about how developing your relationship with those elements could help make your life easier?

I have put together a 10 week coaching series to help. I am also writing a book on this super awesome cool stuff.
It's so easy, almost like drinking water....

Will you just slow down a little faster please....

Faster, faster, faster FAAAAASTEEEER
FASTER!!!

Now....

Slow down - but slow down faster.
Sloooow Down - you only have 10 minutes.
Slow down faster.
Come on... be still.. you only have a few more minutes...


Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? But that's what we do every single day.
Get up, hurry, shower, get dressed, meditate (but hurry), go to work, hurry and eat lunch, work more, go to yoga - ready stretch, breathe, 49 minutes left, okay done, dinner, meetings, to-do list, maybe meditate (if we didn't have time in the morning) and go to bed. Just to get up and hurry to do it again the next day.
Jeez.
We are all racing around, trying to have our 'zen' moments - meditation, yoga, self-help books, tapes, movies, classes...
The problem is we are missing the whole point of this 'Zen Art of Living' we keep furiously chasing. So... what's the point?
Every moment of every day, we have an opportunity, we have a chance to live in a way that is focused, aware and intentional. When exactly do we actually pay close attention to the movements we make, the words we say and how those actions affect our friends, family and the people around us?

Are you just steamrolling through life?

Everything we say, everything thing we do send reverberations through the universe. It creates ripples in the pond of the matrix. Those ripples not only effect us but effect those all around us - yes - like the pond... rippling all the way to the shores.
What ripples are you making?
Surfing Waves?
Destructive Tsunami's?
or the quiet gentle repetitive lapping on the sands?

... and by the way... will you lap a little faster?
Thanks.